Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
