Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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