3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My first STD was from a foam party
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
