My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
