your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
