God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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