i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
