I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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