I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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