He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
