Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
