"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
