I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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