i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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