oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
