I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
