Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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