C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
