This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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