Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
