The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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