Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
