when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
