You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Pants are for mortals
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
