there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
