He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
