im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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