My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
