I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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