I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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