Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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