it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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