I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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