Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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