she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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