I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
