He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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