Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
