i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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