Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
