You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
