I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
