Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
