Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
