I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
