I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
