If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize