genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
