the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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