She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
