Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
