Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
