I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
