oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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