Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
