20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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