Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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