just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
