"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize