wakey wakey hands off snakey
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
