i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
