i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
