Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
