i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
