i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
