I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
