went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
